Baby Thriller

A night to remember, a night to end all nights, bouncing babies everywhere.
My last guardia did not going to go gently into that good night. It was pesada. . it was heavy. . it was hard. . it was busy.
We'd deliver one and another woman would come in to replace her - the room was always full of 5 women ready to give birth, sometimes more.
3 deliveries, 3 c-sections, 1 tubal ligation and an explosiva (a birth in the bed, not in the delivery room).

Normally there are 3 interns on during a guardia - 2 for births and 1 to take care of the little ones that pop out - and one student who is usually as competent as an intern - they usually fill in where needed and attend births, check cervixes, or assist in surgeries. On my last Guardia night, there was 1 intern for births/surgeries and 1 intern for the babes and no student and me. Thus, I was actually a playing member of the team. No longer was I jolly little miss-tag along, aimlessly wandering from intern to intern, patient to patient- smiling and nodding my head without understanding a damn thing that I was supposed to say or do. (like in the beginning when the patients would ask me questions, I'd have no fucking clue what they said, so I would put my most sympathetic face on and nod - I can understand them now and it turns out they have been saying things like -Doctor, I have to go the bathroom and Doctor why do I hurt so much or Doctor, Is something wrong? - and I've just been nodding and smiling, great, just great). No, suddenly I had become a useful, needed, depended upon member of the team; unfortunately this transformation was not due to any increase in my knowledge or ability, it was just the consequence of desperation.

But I did it. . mostly on my own, occasionally someone would pop their head in just to check on things. I was lucky, because pretty much every woman I worked with was multiparous, which means that the baby comes out easy, no episiotomy is needed, and usually there is no tearing. My one premiparous (that word may be made up) did tear pretty badly - a Grade II or III, and there weren't any other births at the time, so the intern Marta repaired it.

I went from birth to a tubal to 3 c-sections right in a row (including one that was a friend of a doctor - the asshole took me away from 3 almost complete women while Marta was still in delivery, leaving no one to watch the women and Marta with her hands very full. . and then he did a transverse incision instead of a vertical incision - prettier - I'm all about the cosmetic thing, but I wasn't very impressed that the only time he would do it is as a favor. . ).

My last birth was the crown jewel of the night. Martha was finishing up with a birth and I was watching the room - 2 premiparous completely dilated (10) and 1 new admit who was multiparous with 7. I walked back and forth, coaching the fully dilated women, and then the hour came to recheck, so I went to check the multiparous. She was at about an 8. . ok. . cool. . .we got a bit of time, no problem. The premis were all still very high, so I attended the multi for a bit - her water hadn't been broken, so I did that for her. . Uh oh. . Meconium. Meconium means baby stress which means listen to the heart beat, but I couldn't find a Pinnard. Ok. . I'll use one of the plug-in dopplers, but there were so many women in the room that she was in a bed off to the side and she wasn't next to an outlet. Great, I think. . I'll roll the bed towards an outlet (not an easy task). So I'm trying to roll the bed and the woman starts screaming.

Me: What's wrong?
Her: My baby, it's coming, I can tell, it's coming.
Me: No, really. . this can't be happening this fast. . from an 8 to birth in 3 minutes? (that was a thought)

I guess, it can happen that fast, because I had her spread her legs and there was the head full of hair peaking out. Hello baby head!

Me: Some swear words in English.
Her: Ohhhhhhhh
Me: Paciente a sala (Patient to room. . what you say when you want a patient moved to the birthing room and everyone to jump into birth-prep mode)

Apparently no one heard me. The interns claim that no one understood me, but what the fuck else was I going to shout out? I think no one wanted to hear me, and everyone ignored me. I looked down again and saw that this baby was not waiting.

Me: Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck.
Her: Ohhhhhh
Me: Fuck. . .ok. . .

I only had one glove on (Michael Jackson style), but I didn't really have a choice, so I guide the baby out using both hands, and hold it. No aspirator, no way to clamp the cord, no way to cut the cord.

Me: Paceinta a sala AHORA!!!

After what felt like 3 minutes or more, people finally came. . at a slow gait. The pediatrician woke up, the nurse sauntered in to give me a birthing kit, I aspirated, I cut, and I handed the baby off.

Then she was wheeled to the birthing room, I stitched her up, and that was that. . my last birth. .

Well, almost my last birth. . on Monday I delivered one last baby and it went just fine. .